I see that a little round plaster sums up my mental illness picture. Its what they stick on my bum every other Wednesday at the top of my bottom to keep the antipsychotic from running out of my skin. You see I am battling 3 mental illnesses. Have been all my life although I only found out about them just after i gave birth when I had my first ever proper manic episode. Before I gave birth I used to think I had severe PMT. However looking back now I see that it was the Bipolar all along.
I have Bipolar 1, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I am a DBT graduate and have tried most medications apart from having surgery to re set my Vagus nerve, you name the medication and I have had it. The side effects keep me on a strict regime of Lithium and Quetiapine. It holds the mania back incredibly so I can function like a normal human being. To know me you would never know there was anything wrong except sometimes I am not around for long periods. I tend to stop indoors when I am unwell. Medication increases can sedate me, so I take to bed when I get really unwell. The medical side of life have not invented anything to curb mania without sedating the patient.
Apart from an absence no one knows that I battle these conditions every day. I don't mention it, I don't talk about it to anyone and I certainly don't let it hold me back from doing what I want in life Yes I have been hospitalised with it, and yes I see a psychiatrist every 3 months for the past 10 years. Other than that I am about as normal as you can get. Mindfulness did nothing for me. Everyone raves about it, but Im one who knows its all fluffy clouds and codswallop. Pretty thinking cures nothing. Even DBT isn't strong enough to tackle my PTSD and I've been waiting years for EMDR therapy which by now will be rendered useless as I have learnt to live with PTSD.
I stay strong to look after my boy, he keeps me stable in himself. I have a active life and am constantly on the go. I don't give my mental illnesses time to take over. Yes I've been unwell in the past, had to go to a mother and baby unit while people in my church 'family' all speculated whether I was 'bipolar all along' when I was newly diagnosed. They even sacked me from my volunteer role (and this was what was helping me through those dark days) and was told the reason was 'its too far to come to church' I told them I had a free bus pass and it was up to me to decide whether it was too far for me to come. They still sacked me any way. It was complete mental health discrimination and had I been working I could have sued them. You can tell I changed church after this appalling behaviour. So much for church family!
Why am I coming out with this now? Because I want to show the world that mental illness not only is rife amongst the population, but that you should not be ashamed or treated as a 2nd class citizen. Mental illness does not affect your IQ, so people can drop the notion that mental illness means you are thick. I want the world to see a balanced approach to life and the ability to just get on with things is possible.
For those who wear a little round plaster on your bum every other Wednesday don't be afraid to conquer the demons in your life.
We ride at dawn.
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