Essentially Samantha

GOD FORBID A WOMAN HAS THE BODY OF A WOMAN: This is the thing when women come into the spotlight: their bodies and looks are judged more harshly than anything else. Marie-France has been dragged over all social media platforms for the dress she wore, her figure, and her face. Am I a fan of her husband? No. But why do we treat the wives and partners of politicians like they’re only around to look good? From what little I know of Marie-France, she has undergone a double mastectomy, birthed three children, and is a successful businesswoman. How dare people reduce her to nothing more than her looks? The patriarchy is alive and well, and to see fellow women joining in on ridiculing her is fucking disgusting.

  So I had bad blurred vision. I was worried it was my new medication. However after spending a afternoon at the opticians and a really intense examination covering all bases, we have established the visual disturbances are due to migraines. Im really pleased as I thought my eyesight was getting worse. I do however have two new pairs of glasses to pick up. I am both deficient in near and far sightedness, and my eyes are straining to focus.  Meanwhile I had a new tablet. I tried to set it up. So did my husband and son. It was basically a brick so I am getting a refund. i raised a ticket with the company. I now have to wait for the refund. I’m old enough to remember when buying a ticket just meant buying a ticket, not downloading an app, creating an account, verifying your email & sacrificing a goat. I am now heading over to Currys to purchase a brand new tablet. I am done with second hand!

  The 144,000 spoken of in Scripture has become one of the most misunderstood ideas in modern spirituality. Many New Age teachings reinterpret it as a frequency, a vibration, a state of consciousness, or an identity that almost anyone can claim. In doing so, the number loses its weight. It becomes symbolic of personal enlightenment rather than a profound calling. Religious interpretations make it sound like only 144,000 will be saved on this earth. Interpretation matters. I see it differently. What does “saving” actually look like? If you think it means you’re going to be whisked away and safely placed in heaven while billions suffer - this doesn’t sound like God. Being saved means getting “unplugged”. I liken this to the matrix concept. But as seen in the movie, being unplugged is often unpleasant. It’s not what you thought. The reality is not as glamorous as the illusion we once thought was real….which is why some who are unplugged desire to go back so they can enjoy life ag...

"PIP should be paid in vouchers"  I'll explain in detail why this is a bad idea, but can I ask why all the solutions to the imagined mass fraud is to hurt disabled people more in the process? I'm sure some people think they're doing the right thing, many probably understand fine well it would hurt disabled people and they have forgotten they can become disabled at any point in their lives.  Instead of starting with how it would hurt us (disabled people) I'll explain how it would hurt the state.  It would cost MILLIONS to set up a whole IT system, set up partnerships with business, the amount of civil servants that would need to oversee invoices would just be immense. It would cost more than it would ever be intended to save, sort of like the current assessment system that sees tax payers cash endlessly going to tribunals because they've refused a disabled person help, 2/3rds of all claimants that take their case to full tribunal win. It again costs the sta...

 My new wheelchair was ready for me to work with, just in time too, as I had to go to phlebotomy to give a blood sample. As I went past on the bus, I saw an old friend whom I needed to clear the air with. Today, however, was not the day. I managed to have a successful blood test; the nurse got my vein in one go. Very happy with that. On the way to Boots the pharmacist, I stopped off at the park with Barry for some refreshments. I picked a big bottle of water, which came in extremely useful later on in the day. The park was beautiful, and everybody seemed to be in high spirits. My new wheelchair goes over cracks and dips in the pavement without flinging me out of the chair. We even went across the grass! Onwards to Coffee 1 in Southampton City Centre. I quickly messaged Paul on Discord and drank my Chai. I went to Boots, picked up a photograph and then we headed home....or so we thought. Halfway up the high street, Barry bumped into a homeless woman whom we both knew. She was lovely...

  Overnight, I recognised that my throat was burning, not like heartburn, but like drinking a spirit and the hot warmth that spreads throughout, type of burn. My thyroid has always been dodgy, and recently I had an abnormal result, which meant I had to decrease my Levothyroxine. The other day, I felt so fatigued in town that I had to get a taxi back home. Then, whilst I was cooking chicken, I felt like I was going to faint. I have now bought a manual wheelchair. This should do me until I can afford an electric wheelchair. So I walked to the GP this morning, who checked my thyroid and agreed to run a blood test to see if anything is going on. I am being tested for Hashimoto's and Graves' disease, also. GP also said she thinks I have a virus, and she is running a full blood panel. I am having the blood test this Saturday. If my blood tests come back as normal, then it looks like my Fibromyalgia is worsening. I have discussed with Barry that we need the electric wheelchair asap, b...

  Maybe the real problem with society is that people don’t think disabled people should be allowed any joy. They have to stay in their homes, moping, being sad, and not having any fun. Because everyone else is really fucking miserable. Therefore, we have to be too. And this is why people have so much of a problem with what disabled people spend their money on. “ If they are spending my hard-earned cash, then they need to be miserable” “ They can’t have nice hair or lashes” heaven forbid a disabled person makes an effort with their appearance. “ They can’t drink or smoke” but what if that is a coping mechanism for them to stay alive? “ They can’t have holidays! I can't afford a holiday, so why should they get one!” People forget that PIP is not an out-of-work benefit; it is there to cover the costs of things associated with disability and independence. People also forget that disabled people may have a working partner, families who give them money, inherita...

 It's 5am. The sun is shining with an orange-red glow on my net curtains, I had to capture it for you. I grabbed a coffee with collagen in it. Without the collagen my joints really hurt. Then I headed outside to water my herbs and get the washing in.  Its hot out there already in this heatwave we have been experiencing. Yes its been great for getting outdoor work done, but it is exhausting as there is little breeze and my fibromyalgia plays up big time in the heat. Not to mention I could go toxic on Lithium. Can't recommend this book enough! Really good read if you want to do any type of writing. There are no secrets or rules. You have to want to write like you not someone else. I have found this book invaluable. When I sit down and take a painkiller if my back is hurting too much, I read this book. It helps. With fibromyalgia, it can flare at any point. I had to catch a taxi home the other day as it felt like wading through waist-high wet sand with blood pouring out of the so...

  Well, well well. So it turns out that for the first time in 15 years, I am now mentally stable. My new Psychiatrist is meeting with my old Psychiatrist tomorrow and is going to brag about how she finally got me stable after only meeting with her 2-3 times!  I can just see my old pdoc's face. He tried so hard with me, but nothing worked. We managed to work out that it is a combination of Lithium, Aripiprazole, Clopixol and a measly HRT patch that finally stopped the auditory and visual hallucinations. My mood has balanced right out as well. It's nothing short of miraculous. I'm so grateful to my old pdoc, as he never gave up on me, but my new pdoc is a Godsend. I think being a woman, she was willing to try new medications and routines with me. It paid off as I now don't react to situations overemotionally. I don't burst into tears at any kind of sadness. My medication allows me to step back and rationalise what's going on and allows me the time to react sensibl...

 So here I am with my favourite cherry brandy ice lolly, after my husband chased the ice cream man down like Mo Farrah. I have an electric fan on me, and I am still too hot. I probably am suffering more due to Perimenopause. Rotten creature and foul thing that it is. My son is at home with me, and he has another fan on him. The temperature gauge says 27 degrees. It is officially summer, and I hate it. I am more of a winter person. If it is cold, you can always add layers and warm up, but if it's hot, you can't cool down so easily. I am also on a lot of medication that causes my body to not regulate temperature well. I love Autumn. it was when I was born, and I feel much better on rainy days.  The hot weather also means that I could go toxic on my Lithium. It's not a pretty picture. Shaking, stomach cramps, blurred vision, loose stools. Even for some cases, a trip to the hospital.  Summer is not fun for everyone. It has been said that domestic violence goes up in the summe...

  Last time I blogged, my family had a nightmare of having to find accommodation immediately, as the property we were in was being sold from under our feet. It was a desperate situation. Thank God we have a God of miracles. Barry found us a 3-bed semi-detached in Southampton. We moved last July and have been busy sorting out our rushed, hectic move-out. We still have not put one of the beds together. Paul is being home educated and is happy at this new place. I like it here too. I have a back garden, and I have just put up a walk-in greenhouse.  I dropped a toxic friend from my life permanently. I twigged he had attracted monitoring spirits to watch me 24/7 due to his jealousy of me being successful. Every time I did something good and wholesome he would find fault, slag me off, and do down my achievement. He was always foaming at the mouth when things were going wrong. He loved my homelessness situation telling me that I would end up back in council emergency accommodation, m...