Essentially Samantha

Lunch today: corgetti ribbons. Red onion, mozzarella torn, chickpeas, fresh pesto, sea salt, cracked black pepper. 1st week off the antipsychotic injection i have been on the past 5 years. Runny nose and sweating, nightmares and intrusive thoughts. Lets hope lunch gives me enough energy to go sainsburys to do a birthday shop for friday.

  I already knew of Jason Arday. I knew his story — the autistic boy who didn’t speak until 11, learned to read and write at 18, and went on to become an academic, becoming the youngest Black professor appointed at Cambridge at just 37. What I didn’t know was what had been unfolding around him recently. I hadn’t followed the headlines or the scale of the public conversation. So when I heard yesterday that Jason had died at just 41, I started reading. And honestly, it was heartbreaking. Because at some point, online scrutiny stops being scrutiny. Jason’s family have described him as having endured a “campaign of sustained abuse” for more than three years and has asked for it to stop. But, when did being talked about publicly start meaning someone loses their right to be treated like a human being? The internet makes it feel like individual actions don’t matter. “ I only shared it.” “ I only commented.” “ I only made a joke.” But thousands of “onlys” still land ...

This does not make life any easier. Showing up as a coach impacts lives in unexpected ways. People may assume you know what's going wrong in their lives. Or that you have this great, profound insight. Truth is, being a Christian coach is humbling. It's about getting me out of the way so the Holy Spirit can do Her work. Rooting my work in biblical principles and not wavering off the narrow path takes practise and patience. Showing up when needed, listening and responding prayerfully are sometimes all one can do in this hostile world we call home. I'm humbled to be called as a coach, and I will do all I can to honour the role.

  We don’t force positive thinking. We practice seeing without rushing to name it. Breathe in. Don’t label the out. Sit in the room before you decide if it’s "good" or "bad." Let the flame be small enough to light everything, not just the target. Because the world is not waiting for you to arrive. It is arriving, constantly. And the version you get depends on the version of you that’s looking. Energy flows where attention goes. Point your attention at lack, you get more lack. Point it at the between, you get the between. Point it at the body, you remember the body is not a peripheral. It’s the lens. You don’t create reality by wishing. You create it by choosing, even for one breath, how you will see. And then the world, obedient and cruel and beautiful, shows you exactly that

  It happens most of the time I get on a bus. Mothers with prams in the wheelchair space sat down on the seat and on their phones. I have had dirty looks and comments as the bus driver tells them to move their prams. One woman refused to move, and another passenger had to intervene. Eventually, after realising the bus driver was not going anywhere until she moved, she actually gave up the space. She claimed that she thought I could use the non wheelchair space of the bus. Even though on the window it asks people to give up the space for a wheelchair. To sit anywhere else is dangerous as it does not have the room or backspace.  I get it. You need to put your pram somewhere, and the wheelchair space is more roomy than the other side of the bus where the fold-up seats are. However, what you don't realise is that wheelchairs take priority. There is nowhere else for a wheelchair to go. We only have one option on a bus, whereas you have quite a few. You can fold your buggy up and si...

 Story time. Living with an invisible illness such as Fibromyalgia is very difficult. The public does not understand the suffering from an illness they cannot see. Medical professionals think it is all in our heads because there are no tests for Fibromyalgia. Friends and relatives grow exhausted at plans that keep being rearranged due to fluctuating pain or fatigue levels "But you were fine yesterday?" is something we hear a lot. Yes, I may have been fine yesterday; that is because I hid my pain level, and today I am paying the price. Fibromyalgia is a lifelong chronic condition. It is characterised by long-term, widespread chronic pain, which can be severe in nature and chronic fatigue. Brain fog, IBS, Lack of sleep, and dizziness are just some of the various symptoms. There is no cure. Treatment is multidisciplinary and experimental. There are no specific tests for Fibromyalgia. The practitioner treating you asks you to do a pain diagram over a specific period of time to de...

  Whenever I go to Portswood, it never fails to stop me in my tracks by how much litter is just everywhere. The bins are always overflowing. Portswood is neither inferior nor superior; it just is. Residents are more than a little ticked off with the protests from the far right and far left, and the police presence that goes with that. The traffic is always hectic when these protests take place, hard to navigate when all you want to do is pop to the shops for a quick bite.  Portswood has a high number of muslims in the area and as such most eateries are halal. Problematic for many people, especially Christians. There are some churches within Portswood, but I have never stepped foot into a charismatic flavour known as Victory church. I hear they are popular, but I am more of the contemplative type.  There are some good businesses on Portswood High Street. They have a large Sainsbury's, with an Argos inside. Shame they never have anything in stock. A popular Waitrose serves ...